Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Heart

Surges
Through the night
Cutting
Through the light

He pleads
We race
Revving
Murder case

He cries
Through my eyes
Shared pain
As he dies

Carried
To the cold
I'll see you
Until I'm old



Wednesday, April 24, 2013

In Memoriam


Today, I learnt of the passing of a friend of mine. A soldier. He was a young man, with a young family. This is my small tribute to him.

When someone passes, I always remember the friendship that we shared. When I do that, I always remember the shortest poem in the world. It was delivered by Muhammad Ali in 1975, at a Harvard (Boston) graduation lecture. Fitting, in view of recent events there. Someone in the audience shouted out, asking him for a poem.

He put his hand to his chest and said the word 'Me'. He then opened his arms, looking at the audience and said 'We'.

'Me, We.' A poem about togetherness, kinship and bond.

Me Becomes We as We Become One.

In memoriam. Sleep well.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Why Caer Ibormeith?


Why?

1. I like mythology.  I like this story, because I believe in love.  With what is going on in the world at the moment, there is always plenty of room for love.

2. Caer Ibormeith is the goddess of sleep.  I wish that she would play her soothing music.  I don't sleep.  It's not that I don't want to, it's that I don't.  I can't.  I know why I can't.  Someone very clever has told me.  I knew before I went to see him.  I only went to see him because I was off sick with 'fatigue'.  'Fatigue' was easier to swallow.  I returned for a day.  A nurse from work rang me and asked me if I was okay.  I couldn't answer her.  Couldn't speak.  Luckily, she didn't try and make me.  Instead, she rang the clever man.

Although I think that labels are best left for jam jars, I'll reluctantly accept that I am suffering from PTSD and a 'related' depression. Related sounds nice doesn't it?  It's not.

Unfortunately, I was involved with something properly nasty last year. It has been chasing me and has cornered me.  I have seen plenty like it before, but there are some significant differences with this one.  I can't go into details here as it has yet to go to court.

I have tried medication.  I have tried walking the streets all night.  I have tried drinking so much alcohol that I couldn't feel my feet.  I've tried putting my head down and wishing that I wouldn't wake up.  I just never went to sleep!

I'm going to try writing it down.  It is not self-indulgence.  Not today, the day after the bombs in Boston.  I am acutely aware of what is going on in the world, outside this little head.  The reason that I published it today is because I had to.  It has got to that point.  For a long time now, my favourite word has been 'tomorrow'.  'I'll do it tomorrow'.  Tomorrow has arrived.

In many ways, this man gave me the swingers to write it: http://eastbelfastiswonderful.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/darkness-at-edge-of-townthis-milk.html  We have a lot in common.  I could have written it myself (I didn't).

I am writing anonymously.  There are reasons for that.  Not least that, because of my job, I can face sanctions for what I write.  Also, there still remains a work culture of limited understanding of these issues.  I forgive you.  I coped like that for years.  I might again. Thankfully, people like Nathan are trying to change it: http://nathanconstable.wordpress.com/2013/04/15/the-man-in-the-hole-a-personal-blog-on-depression/

Some may know who I am.  Please keep it that way.  Please don't telephone or text me about what I write here.  I will tell you that I am feeling better thanks and hope that you are okay.

Why would I do that?  Because I used to be the clever (it's all relative) man that the nurse rang.  I'd help fix you.  I was good at it.  I worked tirelessly at it.  Spent years training for it.  It has been a struggle beyond belief to change seats.  At the minute, the properly clever man is fighting with me for it :-).

I'll let you know how he gets on.

Take good care.






Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Caer Ibormeith

The story goes that the first inhabitants of Brugh na Bóinne ("Newgrange") were the goddess Bóinn and her 'husband' Nuadhu Nechtan, otherwise known as Elcmar, 'the envious one'.

The Dagdha, father of the gods, lusted after the goddess Bóinn. So he sent Elcmar on a journey which would take a night and a day, that he and the goddess Bóinn could spend the night together. The Dagdha then put a spell on the sun, causing it to stand still, stretching one day and night to nine months during which time the Dagdha lay with the goddess Bóinn, and she bore him a son, whom she called Aonghus Mac Óg because "young is the son who is conceived at the start of the day, and born between that and evening".

When Elcmar returned, believing that only a day and night had passed, he remained ignorant of events, as the Dagdha had taken Aonghus to the Rath of Midhir where he was trained to be a champion hurler.

However, some years later, during a quarrel with another player, Aonghus Mac Óg learnt of his true parentage. At that time the Dagdha, was distributing the Sídhe among the gods, and Aonghus decided to go to the Dagdha to seek his rightful heritage. The Dagdha told him that there was nowhere left for him, but that he should go to Brugh na Bóinne at Samhain and demand possession of the Brugh from Elcmar for a day and a night.

This he did, but when the time was up, Aonghus refused to leave the Brugh, claiming that he had been promised 'day and night', of which eternity is composed.
Elcmar then called on the Dagdha to give his judgement over the situation; and the Dagdha ruled that 'it is indeed in day and night that all time is spent'. So, through a play on words Aonghus Mac Óg gained possession of the Brugh for all time.

Aonghus held splendid court at Newgrange. But one night he was visited in a dream by a beautiful maiden, who vanished when he put out his arms to embrace her. All the next day Aonghus took no food. Upon the following night, the fair apparition came again, and played and sang to him. That following day he also fasted. So things went on like that for a year, while Aonghus pined and wasted for love.

Eventually the physicians of the Tuatha prevailed upon him to act, his mother the goddess Bóinn was sent for, and she persuaded the Dagdha, his father, to send to all the lesser deities of Ireland, charging them to search for her. After a year she was found by Aonghus's brother, Bodbh the Red, who brought him to see her.

Her name was Caer Ibormeith, meaning Yew Berry; and when Aonghus saw her, she was standing by a lake surrounded by thrice fifty maidens linked together by a silver chain. But when Aonghus asked her Father for her hand in marriage he revealed that there was nothing he could do, as his daughter was a swan-maiden, and every year as soon as summer was over, she went with her companions to a lake called Lough Dragan, 'The Mouth of Sloes', and all of them became swans.

On the advice of the Dagdha, Aonghus went to the shore of the lake and waited in patience until "Samhain", the day of the magical change, and called to her. Caer appeared along with thrice fifty swans, herself a swan surpassing all the rest in beauty and whiteness, and promised to be his bride, if he too would become a swan. He agreed , and with a word she changed him into a swan. Together they flew three times around the lake, and took off side by side for Brugh na Bóinne where they put the dwellers of that place to sleep for three days and three nights with the magic of their singing.

At Aonghus's palace they retook the human form and they have lived happily there ever since.

The Lesser Known Soldier


The lesser known soldier


You sit there, drinking your wine

Forgetting how, I can't drink mine

I gave my life, far too soon

You have a drink, way before Noon



Get past the acts of self pity

Life is not easy, always gritty

I am a warrior, by your side

Stand up, find courage, change your tide



There's always an excuse to fail

A reason to be sick, sad, pale

Get up, move towards the light

I'll stand beside you in the fight

My love poem

Your love
Lingers
Flutters in my heart
Strokes my soul

It soothes me
Enlivens me
Completes me
Makes me whole

Without you
I am lost
Withered
A diamond back to coal

My love
Is timeless
Boundless
Written in stars

It grows each second
As you light my world
It is mine
But both of ours

Know
I love you
Adore you
My Venus, My Mars